


Journey to the Past

by jonsasnow



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 20:27:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12417558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonsasnow/pseuds/jonsasnow
Summary: Zuko and Katara are getting married.But before that, life hadn't been so easy for them.[wrote for Zutara Month 2016, just compiling it all in one fic]





	1. Prologue

Zuko has always been proud of Fire Nation traditions. In the five years since the end of the war, his pride has only grown with each passing treaty between his nation and the other three. It hasn’t been easy. Hundred-year long prejudices aren’t simply plucked overnight because Fire Lord Ozai’s reign has ended. Distrust for the Fire Nation still runs rampant to this day but had reached a culminating peak of hostility directly after Zuko’s coronation. Even amongst his people, there has been mistrust. Being the progeny of Ozai and the blood sibling of Azula only made people, _rightly_ , wonder if he might not fall down similar darkened paths. It isn’t a fear that strays far from his own mind either. His uncle’s words still ring in his ear after all these years:

“ _Evil and good are always at war inside you, Zuko. It is in your nature, your legacy._ ”

But Zuko’s firm, unfailing belief in the tradition and strength of his people compel him to stand tall with his head held high. Beneath the destruction, beneath all the rubble left behind a war that went on for far too long, are a people who revere honour. People who believe in equality. For them, Zuko is willing to tide over the arguments, the tedious meetings and obstinate talks with diplomats and advisors, if only to bring a small amount of peace back to his nation. 

Slowly, piece by piece, the Fire Nation has begun to regain its footing in the world. Soldiers have returned home to their families. Fallen, neglected districts have been rebuilt and new jobs are being created on the daily. Even the infuriating disputes over colonised lands have for the most part been met with less strain and animosity than they had been at the start. 

Things are finally beginning to feel _right_ again. Even the traditional Fire Nation Festival has started its travels around the country again, and although it has no further need to stray beyond their islands, the festival still attracts tourists from all over. It speaks more highly of the progress with which they have all come to than the diplomatic talks Zuko attends every couple of months. 

Needless to say, Zuko is proud, and he will always have the utmost respect for their traditions and ways of life. 

But with all things, there are exceptions. In particular, Zuko has one very _simple_ exception that has his teeth on edge, fingers flexing tightly at his sides trying to stem the fire threatening to burst free, as if he is still the thirteen-year-old banished prince. 

“Fire Sage Shyu,” Zuko warns with a steely glint of amber eyes. “I assure you this is not necessary.”

“I apologise, your majesty.” The older man bows his head. “But it is tradition. To break it would bear a lifetime of ill fortune upon you and your family.” 

Zuki pinches the bridge of his nose. As Fire Lord, he has learnt to keep his temper contained until he is in the privacy of his own suites, or at the very least engaged in his daily sparring practice. It is a well-learned trait that has made him a more respectable figure amongst his people and foreign dignitaries. A lapse in judgement on his part can cause irrevocable damage to his reputation as a leader. With that in mind, Zuko is finding it increasingly difficult to reign in his irritation. He has known for some time this might come up but he had hoped for a day, not a _week_. That is too long; far too long for his liking. 

“Surely there is no need for such a lengthy separation,” Zuko tries again, but the serious, unflinching look upon the old man’s face tells him it is to no avail. “Will I at least get to say goodbye before you and the Fire Sages inflict this archaic tradition on us?” 

“I am afraid, your majesty, that our plans have already been put into action.” Fire Sage Shyu has the decency to lower his gaze, a faint hint of remorse behind yellow eyes. Zuko is about to verbally berate the older man when he speaks again, softly now, as if there are ears pressed up against the door to the Fire Lord’s private study. “But I hear there has been a delay with the palanquin. It is truly unfortunate for they have barely reached the plaza.” 

Without a single word to the Fire Sage, Zuko has pushed open the door to his study and raced down the corridors in a manner most unfitting his title, but a voice in the back of his mind that sounds vaguely like his uncle says that when she’s concerned, he has never acted reasonably.

Servants and guards gawk at their Fire Lord as tendrils of black hair loosen from his top knot, whipping against his face. The heavy formal robes of the Fire Lord is a weight Zuko desperately wants to discard, only for the sake of moving faster, but even in his flustered state, he still has some semblance of control over his propriety.

Just as he reaches the gates to the palace, he sees it. The red and gold palanquin is set to one side as several royal guards try to fix the broken ornamental peak of the palanquin’s roof. Her dark hair is billowing behind her in a gentle breeze, a deep frown settled on her dark skin. Zuko calls her name and blue eyes snap to his in an instant. A soft sigh escapes his lip, and he distantly wonders if he will ever tire of the way a simple look from her can send his blood burning like lava in his veins. He desperately hopes not. 

“Zuko, what are you doing here?” Her tone is relieved but no less confused. She still wraps her arms around his neck, embracing him tightly, when he stops in front of her. 

“I came to say goodbye,” Zuko says, voice muffled by the positioning of his head in the soft curls of her hair. Lifting his lips only slightly, he murmurs in her ear. “The night before we wed, the Fire Nation Festival will begin their tour of Caldera City.”

She chuckles into him. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting? Should we not respect your nation’s traditions?”

“If you think I can survive without seeing you for a week then you perhaps do not know me at all, waterbender.” 

Katara angles her head and places an openmouthed kiss to the hollow of his neck, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from Zuko. She exhales softly against his skin as she says, “oh, I know you better than you know yourself.”

“Is that so?” Though she cannot see, Zuko’s lips twitch upwards into a characteristic smirk. “Then on the eve of our wedding, meet me where the stars shine the brightest.” 

A strangled cough breaks their embrace. It would seem the guards have managed to fix the broken palanquin and are now urging Katara back into its confines. Where they’re taking her is a secret, and even as Fire Lord, Zuko knows better than to ask, but before she steps fully away from him, Katara presses her lips against him. It’s quick, and from an outside glance, would look like nothing more than a besotted woman bidding her betrothed a hasty goodbye. But the pressure in which Katara presses against him, her body flushed to his chest so that he could feel every curve and line of her body, Zuko knows it’s much more than a goodbye kiss; it’s a promise. 

The rest of the week passes by in an agonisingly slow procession of meetings and preparations. It only grows more weary when the guests start to arrive a couple days before the wedding. Zuko’s patience runs even thinner than normal without Katara by his side. She is the reason he has learnt it at all. In fact, the headstrong ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe is why the Fire Nation has flourished in recent years. It is the reason why the Fire Sages have been so accommodating to a foreign future Fire Lady. Her wisdom and insight has been crucial to the rebuilding of their country, and Katara’s frequent, almost daily visits into the city to speak to the people has endeared her to the masses. 

But while Zuko loves her for all of those traits as well, it’s her impact on _him_ that makes her invaluable. She challenges him, in more ways than one. Through her, Zuko has learned to accept and broaden his views of the world, more than they have already been during the war, and it is through her, Zuko has learned the true meaning of friendship, partnership, and _love_. Quite simply put, without her, he is also without a vital, necessary part of himself. 

So it is the thought of seeing her, even if for just one short moment, before the chaos of their wedding day that keeps Zuko from lashing out. Even when Sokka shows up in his private study to sit him down for a _stern_ talking to about his intentions towards Katara, Zuko doesn’t even fling the water tribe man into the wall. It apparently means nothing to Sokka that Zuko and Katara have been practically _living_ together for the past two years, but then he supposes that aside from his personal staff, no one really knows about that. Katara still has her own suite down in the guest wing but since they started dating, Zuko can’t remember her ever sleeping there. 

Aside from that one time they couldn’t get to the royal wing fast enough… their clothes lying discarded like a trail of crumbs on the floor… her hot mouth on the underside of his jaw… her body pressed underneath him…

Zuko shifts uncomfortably in his seat and stares ahead with as much control as he can muster. This is the longest they have gone without being with each other. He is certainly feeling the repercussions of her absence in his bed. 

“Wow, Sparky, you getting cold feet or something? Your heart is beating like buzzard wasp.” The earthbender is looking to the right of Zuko’s face and there is an undisguised quirk of amusement on her lips. She may not be able to see his scowl but he does not doubt she can feel it. 

“Cold feet? You better not get cold feet! That’s my sister! If you leave her at the altar, I swear I’ll–” 

“I assure you, Sokka,” Zuko says with a warning growl. “I have no intention of leaving your sister now or ever.”

“Well, good. You better not.” Sokka’s shoulders slump, the fight leaving him, and in its place an awkward sheepish smile. His wife sighs wearily beside the man, her hands pressed protectively around her rounded belly. Zuko had been flabbergasted at first to see how far along Suki is but the more he is around her company, the more he can’t stop himself from imagining Katara in a similar state. She would be a great mother. 

Finally, the dinner winds to an end. They have been diligently dividing their time between Katara and him, and are thankfully too tired for any nighttime recaps. As Zuko bids his friends goodnight, he heads back to his bed chambers. Now that it is the eve of his wedding, Zuko quickly dresses himself in the familiar black garb. The Fire Nation Festival began their first day of entertainment today, and just as Zuko had suspected, the entire palace was abuzz with activity and excitement. It is the perfect time, the _only_ time he’s had this week, to slip out with his Blue Spirit mask on, unseen by the guards or servants. It isn’t normally this hard but the Fire Sages having, _rightfully_ , suspected Zuko and Katara might try something like this have placed nearly round-the-clock surveillance on the couple. At least on Zuko’s end, he has been unable to find a moment’s peace outside his own chambers. Thankfully, tonight there are enough distractions to allow him to slip out into the city unseen. 

He lithely moves from roof to roof, hidden in the shadows. It does not take him too long to reach the parapet of a religious temple. Dropping down, Zuko smiles beneath his mask. 

“You’re late.” She is faced away from him, her hands placed firmly on the wall. She is similarly dressed in black garb, and though he can’t see her face, he suspects there’s red paint around her eyes. His Painted Lady. 

“Our friends talk too much but I’ll get rid of them tomorrow,” Zuko says with his slight smirk, snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her so her back is leaning against his chest. He breathes in her wonderful scent: a mixture of sea salt and soap. She chuckles against his chest and places her hands over where his lie just flat on her abdomen. Zuko kisses her shoulder and sighs against her. “I’ve missed you.” 

“I know. I’ve missed you too,” she says, mirroring his sigh with one of her own. “If you weren’t Fire Lord, I would’ve suggested we just elope.” 

“If I wasn’t Fire Lord, I would’ve proposed two years ago.” 

Katara chuckles again. She then turns in his arms so she’s looking up at him. With a quick flick of her wrist, the mask clatters onto the ground. “I’ve missed this face,” she says quietly, gentle fingers tracing his scar. She leans up and presses a quick kiss to his lips. “I’ve missed those lips.” 

Zuko sighs again but the sound is content, happy, _elated_. He wraps her tightly against his chest and returns his lips back down on hers with a little more intent behind his movements. When he pulls back, they’re both breathing a little harder. “I’ve missed something else.” 

“Oh yeah?” Katara asks with a knowing smirk of her own. 

“Yeah.” 

Zuko deftly runs his fingers down her back to the hem of her tunic. He kisses her again while his hands dip underneath and feel her cool skin beneath his palms. She is far too intoxicating for this to be an innocent rendezvous, and though he might not agree with being separated from his betrothed for an entire week prior to their wedding, Zuko still respects Fire Nation traditions. So it is with great reluctance that he does pull back and leave a gap between their bodies that wasn’t there before. 

“I should go,” he says with no small amount of anguish and frustration in his voice. “Any longer and Fire Sage Shyu might send the royal army after us.” 

“Hmm,” Katara agrees with a disappointed murmur. “But tomorrow night, Fire Lord Zuko, you’re mine.” She fingers the collar of his tunic and tugs gently, a slow burning heat in her gaze that has him debating whether or not he should just forego tradition altogether. “ _All mine_.” 

“I hope that’s a promise, Fire Lady Katara.” 

Katara smirks, and then with swift movements, she jumps down onto an adjacent roof, disappearing into the shadows. 

A swell of pride grows in his chest as he stares after her. Tomorrow, that beautiful, strong, kind-hearted minx will be his wife. Agni, what did he ever do to deserve her? 


	2. A New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the beginning...

Two years have passed since the war’s end. In that time, Katara has found life to be far from quiet and peaceful, but there are significantly less threats on the lives of her and her loved ones so she can hardly complain too much. It is still not an _easy_ life. Just because the war has ended does not mean peace came swiftly and easily to the four nations. Hate still lingers in the air like the morning mist; encompassing, unyielding and blinding. Katara doesn’t blame the residual distrust the three nations still hold for the Fire Nation, or the animosity, or even the yearning for vengeance. But Katara has tasted vengeance, had wanted to enact it in the worst way possible, and she knows it isn’t the way. For the world to move forward, they all have to let go of the past. No matter how difficult it is, it is the only way all four nations will ever live in peace.

It is the only way Katara will ever live in peace. 

Her past is less tragic than the world’s but it is no less painful for her to think upon. Then matters of the heart never are. She doesn’t know how she let it happen anyways, how everything that had once seemed so simple could be so upturned in a way that made her body wrench in anguish, but Katara had made her choice. She could not in good conscience allow herself to be swept away in a romance with Aang simply because he is the Avatar and deserves all the good this world can offer him. She owes him her loyalty, her life, her friendship, but she does not owe him her heart. 

Mirthlessly, Katara thinks it isn’t even hers to give away anymore. 

Declining Aang’s invitation to travel the world, Katara had returned to the South Pole. As much as she was sure the world needed her so too did her people, and it had been too long since she’s been home. Katara owed it to herself to return and rebuild her tribe back one piece at a time. That was two years ago. Now, between Chief Hakoda’s leadership, Katara’s bending and Sokka’s ingenuity, the Southern Water Tribe has been flourishing more and more with each passing day. The renegotiated trade routes with the other three nations have helped tremendously in bringing wealth and prosperity to her people, and Katara owes a great deal of thanks to the one person she refuses to see. 

But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Avoidance can only last so long. Where the others have visited the Fire Nation multiple times since his coronation two years ago, Katara has made excuses after excuses, citing a burst piping system here or a village epidemic there, _anything_ to keep away from Zuko. It hurts her to have to do it. As much as it has always pained her to be away from him for too long – a pain in which she had once attributed to her hatred of him – she can’t see him. Selfishly, Katara just can’t bear to visit him and see for herself how happy he is with Mai. The few times she did over the years have been enough to rip a new seam from her weakly sewn together heart. It’s pathetic, she knows, and as a master waterbender and his _friend_ , Katara should just move on. She should just get over whatever it is she’s feeling and find a way to be around him again, but she’s established years ago that she’s too selfish to do that. Not when he still owns every single aching part of her, and certainly not when the mere sight of him has her element surging forward unbidden. 

It is a surprise actually that the others haven’t caught onto her feelings, but she supposes her frequent appearances at diplomatic talks with the Fire Nation and consequently Zuko have been enough to quell their suspicions. It is a universally acknowledged that Katara is dedicated to her job in the Southern Water Tribe, so they don’t really question her when she says she has too much to do for more than those visits. And from the snippets of conversations she overhears from Sokka and her friends, Zuko seems to be the same way. She doesn’t let herself hear too much though. Even just the mention of him is too tantalising for Katara.

Except Katara hasn’t seen him in over a year. Somehow in the chaos of a rebellion faction discovered on the coast of the Fire Nation, Zuko has had very little time for his friends. Only Aang and Toph have been to see him, and that’s only because they’ve been helping him with the rebels. Katara is desperate to go herself. She knows the past two years haven’t been easy on Zuko. Those diplomatic talks she attends are enough to confirm her suspicions, and she is trying her hardest on her end to help the other nations see reason. The Southern Water Tribe at least has found some kind of truce with the Fire Nation. It is not necessarily trust but it’s an alliance. It’s the other two nations that are giving Zuko the hardest time, and if she isn’t a well-respected representative from her tribe, she would freeze those greasy diplomats in their seats every time they talk back to Zuko before he even has a chance to speak. 

But she has her own ways of helping. Katara might not seem like his friend anymore on the outside but she hasn’t given up on him. It’s the only reason she continues to invite foreign dignitaries to the Southern Water Tribe and shmooze them with the finest arctic wine and seal meat. When they’re good and placated, Katara begins her own version of diplomatic talks, pushing them to see reason with whatever deal or treaty they’re currently negotiating with the Fire Nation. It’s her way of helping when she can’t physically be there for him.

Of course, everything is temporary, and as the Capital Harbour looms closer, Katara can’t help wondering if Zuko will even be happy to see her. He doesn’t know what she’s been doing for him – not that she has any intention of telling him anyways – so surely he must think of her as a lousy friend, if even that anymore. 

The gates open as soon as the Southern Water Tribe vessel nears. Although the war has ended, the two ballista towers that sit on either side are terrifying up close. Each tower is heavily armed with enough firepower to take down several of their cutter sailing ships simultaneously. It’s unfounded to be so nervous but two years is not enough time even for Katara to feel totally at ease in the Fire Nation. By the grim looks on the men around her, she’s not the only one.

“Why does it feel like we’re all bracing ourselves for war?” 

Katara doesn’t turn towards her brother’s voice; she just smiles. “Because in a way, we are.” 

“You’re probably right.” Sokka snorts, and then swings his arm around Katara’s shoulder. “But hey, we’ll all be there together this time. If any of those old cranky men decide to start another argument tonight, we’ve got each other’s backs. Right?” 

The tagged on question at the end winds Katara’s nerves in tighter. Her brother’s a fool at the best of times but the doubt so obvious in his voice makes her want to toss him over the side of the ship. How could he even think she’d abandon them? 

“Of course, Sokka.”

Satisfied, her brother leaves her to attend to something one of the men had whispered in his ear. She’s too busy staring at the harbour to pay much attention now. She knows he’s there. It’s almost as if she can _feel_ him standing at the docks waiting for them to arrive, and she wants to flee back home because of it. Katara has faced Azula; why can’t she face the crazy firebender’s much less crazy, much more handsome, much more kind and compassionate and heroic brother? 

_Because you love him. Because you’ve been in love with him for over two years._

Katara grips the edge of the ship and growls at nothing. There’s no one to focus her ire on but herself. This is her doing after all. Maybe if she had fessed up to her feelings all those years ago, she’d be… _What, Katara? Be what? His girlfriend? You really think he’d choose you over Mai?_ Another low growl emits from her lips and she whips around to find something to do, anything to keep her mind distracted. 

When they arrive at the harbour, he _is_ there. He hugs Sokka and bows cordially at Katara. The obvious hesitance and subsequent awkwardness is so thick in the air, she wants to cry and fling her arms around him, telling him everything that’s been happening for the past two years. But Katara is an adult now. At eighteen, she can’t act on her emotions anymore. She has a reputation to uphold and a tribe to make proud. It doesn’t stop her from looking though. Zuko is a twenty-year-old man now, whose appeal has only grown with age, whose body has only broadened with dedicated training and exercise. How she has dreamt of running her hands across those shoulders, down his back to his hips where –

“Katara!” 

“Huh?” She looks up to find Sokka staring curiously at her. “What?” 

“We were wondering if you wanted to go explore the city with us before the New Year’s Eve party. Aang and Toph are already waiting at the palace.”

Zuko is in the palanquin ahead of them, and she wonders if he’s going too. As if Sokka can read her mind, he answers her unvoiced question. 

“Zuko has to wait for other honoured guests to arrive so he won’t be joining us.” 

Katara nods and returns her attention back to the passing city. “I think I’m just going to wash up and maybe have a nap. I’m a little worn out from the journey.”

Sokka shrugs. “Suit yourself.” 

In the end, Katara sleeps through most of the day. By the time she wakes, Yue is already at her peak in the sky. She can feel the warmth and energy emanating from the moon, and she draws from its bottomless power to give her courage. It’s only one party. That’s all she has to get through tonight. Everyone will be there so it’s not like she has to spend any real time alone with Zuko. Maybe she won’t even have to see him with his girlfriend. It’s a hopeless wish but she clings to it as she dresses herself in a blue one-sleeved top and a matching floor-length skirt. It is similar to the Fire Nation disguise she had worn so many years ago, and she had sewn it on purpose in this fashion. It’s to honour him, even in some small way. 

“Nice nap, Sugar Queen?” Toph asks, greeting her with a playful, yet still painful, punch to the shoulder, as soon as she exists her suite. 

Katara winces. “Yeah. I must have been more tired than I thought.” 

“Tired,” Toph repeats with an amused snort. “Sure. _That’s_ what it is.” 

“That _is_ what it is,” Katara says defensively, not sure why her friend sounds so disbelieving.

As the two walk to the main hall where the party is being held, Katara notices the master earthbender has been wrangled into a dress herself. Before she can comment on it, Toph speaks again. “Are you sure you’re not just avoiding a certain Fire Lord Hotpants?” 

Katara jerks to a stop, a blush radiating from her neck to her cheeks. “ _What_?” 

“Relax, no one else knows,” Toph shrugs, and continues walking. “But it’s been years, Sugar Queen. Ain’t it about time you either get over it or kiss the topknot off of him?” 

They’ve now reached the party and Katara quickly grabs hold of Toph’s wrist. “Please,” she whispers urgently and desperately. “Don’t tell anyone. I can’t… He has someone else and I just can’t do that to him. Please, Toph, promise me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I promise,” her friend sighs. “But you should know that –”

“Katara!” A whoosh of air nearly knocks both the waterbender and earthbender over as Aang comes riding on an air scooter towards them. “Boy, you should’ve come with us into the city! There was this fire juggler and he was throwing these balls of fire; it was _so_ cool! He even taught me how to do it. Wanna see?” 

“Uh, maybe later, Aang.” Katara smiles kindly at her friend before pulling him into a hug. Thankfully her rejection has not totally ruined their friendship. A bit of distance went a long way for them, and after a year or so, Aang finally moved on from her. It is a relief to say the least. 

A couple of drinks and several _long_ chats with foreign diplomats and Fire Nation nobles later, Katara is beginning to think she’s not the only one trying to avoid the other. She has barely seen Zuko all evening, and every time she feels him nearby, she turns and he’s gone. She’s even seen Mai more times than her boyfriend, and frankly, it hurts. Katara knows it shouldn’t because she’s doing the same to him, but it still hurts. It’s always hurt her to be away from him but the pain seems to feel even more poignant now she knows he’s actually within reach. Somehow in the South Pole, Katara can convince herself it doesn’t hurt that much, but here in the Fire Nation, everywhere she turns she sees him. He’s in the typical golden eyes of his people, in the crimson and gold decorations of the hall, in the mischevious smile of his Uncle Iroh. All of it reminds her so aggravatingly of Zuko that by the time everyone’s gathered to count down the minutes to the new year, Katara has to leave. She can’t breathe anymore in this place, and to ring in the new year while her heart is breaking in her chest is not something even Katara can brave through. 

Swiftly moving through the throng of people, Katara finds herself backing along the shadows at the edge of the hall until she feels a door behind her fingers. While her eyes remain fixed on the crowd, she turns the doorknob and push through, slipping out into the cool evening air. 

“Katara?” 

She jumps, startled nearly out of her skin by the sound of his voice. She doesn’t want to turn but she forces herself to, knowing it’s too late to retreat back into the party. He’s standing there, leaning against the railing, golden eyes watching her. “Hi,” she offers weakly. “What are you doing out here?” 

His eyes narrow and he exhales heavily. “I hate parties.” 

This makes her laugh despite everything. Katara slowly walks up to him and stands a good foot away at the railing, turning her face up towards the moon. “Me too.” 

For awhile, neither say anything, but she knows the question is coming, and though she has braced herself for it, she still falters when he asks her. 

“Do you hate me?” 

Katara sighs and absentmindedly plays with the beads in her hair. “No, Zuko, I don’t hate you.” 

“Then why have you been avoiding me? Everyone else has come to see me over the years but you… I _never_ get to see you, Katara.” 

“I…” She doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t think she has any right to say it. “I don’t think you’ll like my answer.”

Zuko turns fully to face her now, drawing her own eyes away from Yue to look into his. His face is grave, serious and determined. “Try me.” 

This is not the way she wanted to ring in the new year either but she doesn’t have a choice anymore. This has gone on for far too long, and Zuko deserves an explanation. “Do you remember the night after Yon Rah?” 

Zuko’s brows furrow in confusion. “Yeah. What does this have to do with –” 

“You sat with me, just in silence,” Katara says, cutting him off. “You never judged me. You never asked how I was. You just sat there and let me come to grips with everything in my own time. I think that’s when it happened.” 

“When what happened?” Zuko asks. He’s now closer than he was a second ago, and his proximity has only intensified her speeding heart. 

Katara squeezes her eyes shut. She doesn’t want to look into his eyes when she says this. She doesn’t want to see his reaction. “When I fell in love with you.” When she hears nothing, no sign he even heard her, the words come tumbling out before she can stop herself. “At first I didn’t know. I’ve never been in love before so I didn’t know what I was feeling, and at the time, I thought I loved Aang. It was just so confusing – all these feelings so at odds with each other. But then you threw yourself in front of Azula’s lightning for me and in those brief minutes after when I thought you died, I realised I didn’t want to live in a world where you didn’t exist. It was the most horrid feeling and I hated your sister for what she did! I wanted to kill her. I wanted to hurt her more than I wanted to hurt Yon Rah and that terrified me.”

Tears slip from her eyes but she keeps them shut, still too scared to look at him. 

“I planned to tell you after your coronation but I had to speak to Aang first and by the time that was over, you were back together with Mai. You seemed so happy and I didn’t want to… I couldn’t make your life more difficult, so I went home and threw myself into the work there.”

A gentle finger wipes at her cheeks and Katara’s eyes flutter open. He’s watching her again with that confused furrow between his brows. “But you never came to see me…” 

“I couldn’t bear to be around you and Mai. It hurt too much,” she admits with her head bowed low in shame. “It’s selfish, I know, and I’m so sorry, Zuko. I’m sorry I’ve ruined everything. I know you probably hate me now and –” 

“Katara, look at me,” he rasps out, but when she doesn’t, his finger drops from her cheek to her chin, tilting her head so she has to look up at him. “How can I hate you when you’re the reason behind some of the Fire Nation’s most successful negotiations?”

“How do you know about that!” 

Zuko laughs and steps even closer towards her. “After the fifth diplomat came to me with a change of heart, I had to ask. Apparently they’ve all been bullied by a waterbender in the Southern Water Tribe to, and I quote, stop acting like a bunch of polar bear pups and actually do something good for once.” 

Katara blushes. “I just… I don’t like that they try to take advantage of you because you’re young, or because your country has committed wrongs in the past.”

Zuko opens his mouth to say something else but the sound of cheering in the background has him glancing towards the city just as a plume of red and gold and orange erupt across the inky sky. Katara too becomes enraptured by the sight – so much so that she forgets for a moment that she has just confessed to the Fire Lord that she’s in love with him. And for a while, the two old friends stand side by side to take in the sight of another year of (hard-earned) peace. 

“You’re an idiot, you know that, waterbender?” 

“Excuse me!” Katara’s eyes snap back to his, glowering. She may be in love with the man but she doesn’t take to being insulted very well, even if she _is_ an idiot. 

“But then I’m an idiot too,” Zuko says with a laugh. Before she can ask him what he’s talking about, his hands are cupping either side of her face and his lips meet hers in a way that has her stumbling into his chest, fingers fisting into his tunic. But then Zuko is pulling back all too quickly and she has to stifle a whimper of protest at the sudden lack of contact. 

“Happy new year, Katara.” 

She’s about to murmur a similar, dazed, sentiment back when something occurs to her. “But wait, Mai! Zuko, I–” Maybe she really is an idiot for bringing up his girlfriend at a time like this but Katara is not a cheater. She won’t be the other woman, no matter how much she wants his lips back on hers.

“We broke up nearly a year ago now,” Zuko interrupts. 

“You did? How come no one told me?” 

“Maybe you would’ve known that if you actually came to see me.”

He has a point, which is probably why she chuckles and grips his tunic even tighter, tugging him back down for another toe-curling kiss. His hands then gravitate to the back of her head. One is placed just by the nape of her neck while the other is trailing heat down her back. 

He pulls away and buries his nose against the crook of her neck, his breaths coming fast and hot on her bare skin. “And it was the Western Air Temple for me,” Zuko whispers, leaning up to drop kisses along the sensitive skin below her ear.

She doesn’t know how she manages it considering how her whole body is thrumming as if Azula’s lightning has seared through her skin, but she asks in a voice still laced with desire and euphoria. “What are you talking about?” 

“When I fell in love with you. That’s when I realised it.” 


	3. Distance

They aren’t dating. In fact, they aren’t even speaking. 

Katara should have known better. One brief passionate kiss on a balcony hardly meant they were going to end up together – yet she had still hoped, still yearned deep into the night that he would sail to the South Pole to beg for her back. He never came though, and the days quickly turned to months as Katara found a bitter sort of acceptance that he didn’t love her anymore. The only thing left to do is move on. Maybe in a few years, Katara would be over the young Fire Lord. Maybe then, she could fall in love with someone more attainable, someone less confusing and infuriating.

Only she has spent nearly three years in love with the man. All efforts at trying to get over him had been pointless. Now that she knows what his lips taste like or how his body feels against hers, how could Katara ever hope to move on? 

It’s impossible. It’s absurd. It’s –

“Master Katara?” 

Her eyes snap to her right and she blushes furiously when she realises she hasn’t been paying attention to a single thing the council has been saying. Katara bows her head in remorse. “I must apologise. I am simply not feeling… like myself today.” 

Chief Arnook nods in understanding and concern. “That is most unfortunate. Why don’t we adjourn for the day? We can reconvene tomorrow and talk about the logistics of this centre then. It has been a long journey and I am sure my men are most eager to eat and rest.” 

“Of course,” Katara says, and as the entire council stands, she dutifully falls in line behind her father and Sokka when they exit the tent. 

The wind curls deeply around her, nipping at any exposed skin it can find, as soon as the tent door flaps shut behind her. It has been months since the New Year’s party, and although it is July, the frigid temperature seems determined to stay. This isn’t abnormal for the South Pole but it is the coldest summer anyone has faced in a long time. Katara wraps her parka tightly around her body and heads for the cluster of tents in the back where the women are cooking. Although her reputation as a master waterbender has helped open doors for other female waterbenders, deep-rooted tradition and culture is hard to uproot. Most non-bending women are still expected to cook, clean and care for the house as the men deal with everything else. Katara is determined to change that, but she also knows patience is key here. 

The walk is thankfully quiet but harder to do against the biting winds. Her braid whips against her face as she tries to trudge on, but when Katara steps on a thin sheen of ice, she loses her footing and nearly goes crashing into the snow. She is saved when a rough hand grabs her forearm and steadies her. Tanned skin and bright crystal blue eyes meet her own as she rights herself back up.

“Are you alright?” 

“Um…” Katara breathes out. Every man in the Southern Water Tribe is older than her and usually _much_ older than her. The only one even remotely close to her age is Sokka and he’s her brother. This man staring back at her is certainly not her brother and certainly not middle-aged. “I’m fine. I’m… okay. Thank you.” 

“No need to thank me,” he says with a booming chuckle. “I couldn’t let the legendary Master Katara fall flat on her face. I’d be kicked out of the tribe if I let that happen!” 

She chuckles, blushing at his words and hating herself for being so susceptible to a handsome man’s compliment. “I’m not legendary.”

“You beat the Fire Princess _and_ you helped the Avatar save the world. I think that’s pretty legendary,” he tells her seriously, but there’s a twinkle in his eyes that suggests he’s flirting with her. Now _that_ is definitely something she’s not used to. At least not in recent years. 

“I… Um, who are you?” 

“Oh, where are my manners! I’m Shodo. I came with Chief Arnook,” he says brightly, and offers her his hand.

Katara shakes it and nods. “I see. You’re here to help build the waterbending centre? That must mean you’re a waterbender too.” 

“Yes, but I’m sure I’m not quite as good as you are, Master Katara,” Shodo says with a slight bow but the twinkling is still there and she’s beginning to realise these compliments are only there to stroke her ego. 

“You wouldn’t be here with Chief Arnook if you weren’t good, Shodo,” Katara says evenly. She may not be used to flirting but she knows better than to fall for false compliments. Besides, Shodo is much too narrow for her taste. Now that she’s really looking, his nose is also too round and his jaw is too wide. He’s not that handsome after all. Definitely not her type. 

“I can’t _possibly_ compare to the beautiful –” 

Thankfully his words are cut short as shouts are heard from further in the village. Katara doesn’t spare a glance for Shodo before she starts racing towards the noise. The alarm hasn’t been raised so that’s a good sign, but there’s still fear and panic in the eyes of her people, so Katara bends a thin sliver of water to her side just in case. 

As she reaches the water’s edge, Katara sees the Fire Nation vessel and skids to a stop. Shodo, who has been running right behind her, stumbles into her back until they’re both sprawled on the snow. Her cheek is resting against the cold ground as she’s kept down by the weight of Shodo on top of her. She tries to move but he’s too heavy. Katara _could_ fling him off with a simple flick of her wrist but that wouldn’t do for the relations between the North and the South. 

“Uh, Shodo? Can you please get off of me?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry! Okay, here, let me just…” 

Katara feels him shift his body but then he slips and tumbles back on top of her. “ _Shodo_!” 

“Sorry, Katara. It’s slippery!” 

A pair of black curled toe boots come into view from where she’s lying. Someone coughs roughly before Shodo is being yanked off of her and thrown several feet away. She can tell by the way the snow crunches under his weight and also by the loud yelp of pain as he lands with a thud. 

Once back on her feet, Katara glances towards her saviour, ready to thank him, when she jumps away in surprise. “Zuko! What are –”

“Can we talk in private?” he asks, cutting her off. 

For a second, all Katara can do is stare. He seems older than when she last saw him. The aristocratic slope of his nose seems more pronounced, his jaw more angular, and that’s when she realises how _gaunt_ he looks. Zuko has lost weight. Even his broad shoulders have slimmed in the past few months. The urge to rest a hand to his scarred cheek and comfort him is overwhelming, but the pained look in his eyes is enough to stop her. Instead, Katara rests both of her hands on either hip and scowls. “Why? So you can kiss me again and leave without a word for seven months? _Seven months_ , Zuko!” 

He rubs his face and looks down. “I know. I’m sorry, Katara. I really am but I can explain.”

 

“Is that why you’re here? To explain yourself? You know a letter works just as well!” 

“Please, Katara, just let me –”

“No, you had seven months to explain yourself! You could’ve written. You could’ve done anything but you let me sit here thinking – well, you know what? It’s too late, Zuko!” 

By now, they have gathered quite a crowd and Katara is distantly aware that her father and brother are also somewhere in this crowd. She doesn’t care anymore though. She’s too hurt, too _angry_ to bother with keeping quiet. 

“You’re lying,” Zuko points out, as his eyes flicker back to hers. “You still love me.” 

“How dare you!” she shouts, incensed by the sheer arrogance of him – even if he is right. “I don’t and I regret ever thinking I was!” 

Zuko smirks and takes a step forward. Katara instinctively steps back. This only makes him smirk even wider. “Why don’t I believe you?” 

“I don’t _care_ if you don’t believe me. That’s the truth.” 

“Katara,” he says as he inches closer. “Do you know how hard it was for me not to jump into that boat with you? Not to commandeer my fastest ship and sail after you?” 

“Why didn’t you?” she snaps.

“Because we found another rebel faction,” Zuko explains. “And then I had to go to Ba Sing Se to talk with King Kuei about reparations. Then I had to oversee the creation of another factory mill. Then I had to attend council meetings.” He inhales deeply and shakes his head. “There is so much that comes with being Fire Lord. There is never a moment to myself. I was sleeping three, four hours a night, Katara. I shouldn’t have been able to function as I did. But I suppose I didn’t.

On a routine checkup around one of the poorer districts in the Fire Nation, we were attacked and I was so tired I didn’t see him coming. He had me pinned down in seconds, a knife in my stomach. And as I laid there, bleeding out onto the street, you know what I was thinking?” 

When Katara doesn’t respond, Zuko continues with a rueful smile. 

“I was thinking about how I should have just gone after you. How it didn’t _matter_ if I made the Fire Nation the most successful nation in the world. At the end of the day, no matter how much I love my country and my people, I love _you_ more.” 

There’s a muffled sniffle from behind Katara but she’s too focused on Zuko to really notice. It’s the most she’s ever heard him speak without addressing a room full of diplomats. It’s the most _sincere_ she’s ever seen him. It’s made it hard for her to stay angry. She was so determined to finally push him out of her life once and for all, but Katara should’ve known that she would never have been able to do that. Zuko is as much apart of her as she is apart of him. 

“Zuko, I –” 

“Oh, kiss him, Katara! If you don’t, I will!” 

Zuko’s face flushes a bright red, his eyes going comically wide. 

“Sokka, _shut up_!” 

But she doesn’t need to be told twice. In one quick move, Katara has her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her lips pressed up against his. She pours every roll and swell of her emotions into the kiss and delighting when she feels Zuko reciprocate it in every way. When they finally break apart, Katara notices they are suddenly alone. 

“I guess we grossed them out,” she says, blushing.

Zuko touches her cheek with a gentle stroke of his finger. “Nothing gross about what we just did.”

“Probably gross for Sokka though. And my dad!” 

“Katara, can we not talk about your family while I’m thinking about all the ways I want to kiss you?” he asks with a roll of his eyes. “It’s really distracting.” 

She blushes again. “Okay, um... what other ways do you want kiss me?” 

Zuko smirks, and this time, she feels only desire curl in the pit of her stomach instead of anger. “How about you accept my job offer and I’ll show you?” 

“What offer?” Katara asks, pulling back slightly from his embrace to look at him. “What kind of job?” 

“Come back to the Fire Nation with me. Be an ambassador for the Southern Water Tribe,” Zuko says carefully, golden eyes studying her for her reaction. “Be my trusted advisor.” 

“Zuko, you’re asking me to leave my _home_. My people.” 

“I know it’s a lot to ask,” Zuko acknowledges with a sigh. “But for nearly three years, I’ve wandered around wondering why nothing feels quite right when everything I have ever wanted has happened. I had my honour back, I had friends, I had Mai back, but none of it mattered somehow.”

“Because you still couldn’t help feeling something was missing,” Katara finishes for him. She knows the feeling all too well. 

“Yes,” he nods. “I don’t want to be without you again. I need you.” 

The answer is on the tip of her tongue. It’s what she wants. It’s what she’s wanted for nearly three years but could she really do it? Could she really leave her home behind for a man? That’s not like her.

“It’s a job offer, Katara,” Zuko reminds her again. “I’m not just asking because _I_ need you. The Fire Nation needs you too. You’ve done more for us than most of my advisors combined. You know how to talk to people. You wouldn’t be going just for me. And think of all you could do for the Southern Water Tribe there too.”

“November.”

“What?”

“I need four months to help finish building the waterbending centre and get everything settled with the new teachers,” Katara says to him firmly. “ _Four months_.” 

“Does that mean…” 

“I love you, don’t I?” Katara rolls her eyes before she’s throwing herself back into his arms, kissing him as fiercely as she did before. “I’m going wherever you’re going, Fire Lord.” 

“Good,” Zuko says between kisses. “Because I love you too.” 


End file.
